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So has everyone jumped ship from elJay now that I'm checking on a regular basis?

(I don't like this one bit:)
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): When in doubt, put 'em off until next week. And if that doesn't work, how 'bout putting 'em off until the following week? Okay, the second part of that advice is me being glib. But as far as the first part goes, I'm deadly serious. With Mercury, Venus and Mars all in your solar 12th for pretty much the duration of the week, Gemini, you have very little at your conscious disposal to work with. Dare I even tempt myself to write off your entire upcoming seven-day period as a 'dead week', the way we used to categorize the waiting-and-studying-and-stressing phase between the end of classes and the beginning of finals back in college? The more respite-style activities you can fill your schedule with—wistful walks through nature, extra-long massages or yoga classes, viewing marathons of classic movies, hours spent sketching or scribbling in notebooks—the less havoc your speedy impatience will wreak on your psychic health. By the time the weekend arrives, Mercury will finally return to your sign, clearing its retrograde shadow by next Monday… and your mental agility, at last, will be regained. At that point, though you'll still be victim to a relatively useless 12th-house Venus and Mars leaving you to continue stumbling through the foggy confusion, at least you'll be able to outsmart your way out of looking as confused as you are, with your quick-witted ability to say whatever will keep folks satisfied and off your trail. Hang in.

disappearing one

Thankfully, I am most likely leaving the house tonight! There is a meet-up in the city that may be highly productive and helpful to me in the future.

So far, the only time I have really hung out here was last Friday. We went to see the Hangover, and then went bar-hopping afterward:

karencarlosmesteve
(Karen, Carlos, some broad, Steve)

So, here's the scoop: if anyone in NYC wants to see me off before I skip town, it will be happening this Saturday. Still ironing out the details, but if you'd like to say what's up in person this would be the time :)

I probably won't be back around this way for quite a while.
I've been avoiding writing anything of substance because I'm still in a period of extreme change, and the brain doesn't think too clearly in times like these. Also, I'm also afraid that once I start, I'll write a journal entry that monopolizes your entire friends page (no joke).

In an effort to clear my mind and reclaim my proverbial mojo, I need to write more than ever. Let's give it a go:

Right now I'm in New York. Two weeks ago, as I was on a plane from Los Angeles back to Florida (with the intention of returning to New York a week later), there was a very important decision made without my knowledge. Plain and simple, there is no room for me where I was living, so therefore, I have no place to live in New York. If I had known this helpful information earlier, I would never have left LA. There is no work in Florida. As the people who have followed me (and paid attention) for years would know, I already tried living in Florida once, for eight months in 2003, vowing never to return in a living capacity.

I am here for a short period of time, going through all of my belongings. Selling some for much needed cash, boxing the rest. I have never been so free and felt so trapped at the same time. I'm no stranger to clean slates and building from the ground up. This is more like building from the basement up, because I am so deep in the red.

But what do you do? When life gives you lemons, you say FUCK THE LEMONS. You find a new path to forge. And so it goes.

I should be used to this by now: when you swing higher than ever before, the ride back down is just as grand. I can't say I'm not frustrated by any means. While commonplace in my past, I can't help but be a bit surprised and resentful of the extreme emotions that come along with life-changing situations. My life has changed constantly since 2003. I'm ready to set roots down. In my own special Theresa branded way, of course.

I'm a free agent. I've got no job and no financially-promising place to live. And over the three months that I floated around LA, I realized the answer to the question that I've been asking myself since I was very young: what I want to do with my life.

I lived it. I worked like a dog for it. And right now these speed bumps make me want to work like ten dogs for it. I would have thought if my hands were tied I would be having more fun ;)

Then again, they're only perspectively tied. We're working around that, no worries.

I do have to mention that there was so much betrayal in LA. So much for living with an open heart. I will have to guard myself a bit more. I never wanted to feel jaded or untrue to myself, so I've always operated on vibe and impulse. I still want to live that way, but I never want to feel that something or someone was a waste of my time. That's not how I truly feel or what I believe anyway. I know that everything happens for a reason. Still, I don't want to feel that way. I do know that anyone untrue will be found out - possibly slowly but definitely surely. And they will wind up being very lonely, bitter people if they don't change their ways.

The good news is, there was also an outpouring of love and beauty, mostly from people that I was never close with, or knew very little about me previously. The kindred spirits. The ones who "got it". I am ever grateful for them. There's one person in particular that I've met who has absolutely 100% changed my life. My heart has a VIP section for that person permanently reserved. I will talk more about that when I'm ready, for sure, but I will tell you this: have you ever met someone that was the embodiment of everything you've ever dreamt of or thought about doing or would hope would come in and shake your little world upside-down? Someone who is exactly what you would have created in your head if you were prompted to describe your true love, with a heavily romantic heart? Well, that's what I'm talking about.

The passion inside me is raging. For future plans, and faces I want to see, and the gypsy heart that wants to thrive. For helping the less fortunate, the ones with no voices to speak out, or anyone deserving.

It will happen, trust me. The passion will be unleashed. Grab your 3-D glasses for one hell of a ride.

Holy NO KIDDING

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): It may seem somewhat unfair, in the cosmic roulette game of being, that you're just starting to experience an ultra-unmotivating sluggishness right as your birthday scene rolls around. It's possible, of course, you haven't even noticed your desire 'not to deal', if you've wallpapered it over with a regular evening lineup of cocktail, chocolate and/or reality TV—anything other than acute acknowledgment that, in fact, you've seen better days. This is a passing phenomenon, Gemini, like most everything proves itself to be, leaving you in something of a waiting stance for the time being. Just be kind to yourself, rather than cascading down a mental waterfall of things not going as you'd like… which is especially wasteful of your energy, seeing as it's highly unlikely you'll, right at this very moment, be able to control the status of very many of those things. The upcoming month is simply one of those periods during which it pays to remember the golden rule astrology is here to teach us: Everything has its time, which both comes and goes, if only we give it the chance. Rely strongly on your belief that this step will lead to the next, though you may currently struggle to sense any movement (let alone the productive kind). Virtual stillness is also an important step in any process, or how else would the caterpillar find time to transform into a butterfly? Contrary to the way the media portrays its duckling-into-swan makeovers, there's a lot of off-camera down-time that goes into those miracles.

I'll be in NYC tomorrow way late. If only I could begin to tell you what is going down. And I thought LA was an uphill climb...

like a fucked up face.

privateidaho

It's amazing how in a time period where I spent more energy depending on people than I have since I was a child, I also had no one to depend on, more often than not. I walked hundreds of miles, sometimes carrying heavy suitcases, sometimes so long that my feet refused to take any more steps.

After the whirlwind of being kinda homeless and penniless in Los Angeles for nearly three months, I find myself on the other end... returning to two separate homes where: I'm still kinda homeless and penniless. In the past two days I was informed that I have no home to return to in New York. I have no room of my own in Florida as well. It's interesting, given what I want to do; the direction I want to go.

What I need more than anything (other than getting my accounts into the positive again), is my own space. My own bed. Free of distractions. Independence. My favorite beautifully lonely thorn in my side.

I have so much experience, pain, and loss to sort through. And simultaneously so much processing, love, and hopeful gain to absorb.

My head is swimming, so my legs seem immersed in water.

Clarity is just out of reach. But it is within my grasp.

Connoisseur of roads, indeed.

perspective

If I went to college, I'm smart.

If I have money, I'm successful.

If I am skinny, I'm beautiful and healthy.

If I have a job, I'm skilled.

If I have a home, I am responsible.

If I have a lot of friends, I am someone you want to know.

If I flirt, I am desparate.

If I have paintings, I'm an artist.

If I write a novel, I'm a writer.

If I have a family, I am loved.

If I have a boyfriend, I'm worthy of attention.

If I cry, I am weak.

If I call a lot, I must be in love with you.

If I get laid, I'm desirable.

If I really like a band and I'm a woman, I am a groupie.

If I wear expensive clothing, I am cool.

If I sing a song in front of people who pay to hear it, I'm a singer.

If I trust someone, I am naive.

If I love unconditionally, I am a sucker.

If I know what you know, I must be intelligent.

If I stay quiet, I don't need attention.

If I close my heart, I'm protecting it.

If I am jaded, I am wise.

If I have faith, I am gullable.


Well, what if I don't, am not, or have not? What happens then? Think about how you judge people. Think about how one tiny variable has the ability to change your entire perspective on someone.

If I let what other people think rule my life.... I'm strong?

"...and the circus leaves town"

You know... I've had to make huge life altering moving decisions four times... since 2003. This go round I'm pretty much homeless, so I'm not sure if it should be considered number five or not. Let's go with yes.

Out of all the places I've lived since '03, I have the strongest emotional attachment to Los Angeles. It is where I spent the most time, and found my footing completely independent and initially free of any kind of comfort or family. When the universe threw me a curveball last year job-wise that lasted an uncomfortable amount of time, I begrudgingly took it as a sign to return to New York. After all, that was the only place where I had a job and a roof over my head waiting for me - it was the responsible thing to do. A very rough year followed, which is why I returned to LA three times to visit. This current time period is the third "visit", which has lapsed the date I originally moved out of LA: 2/29/08.

Over the past 2 1/2 months I have lived through the most difficult, most inspiring, most heartbreaking, and most life-changing times. It really feels like an eternity. But no, it's been from 2/26 through today, 5/18. Today is my parents 35th wedding anniversary, so yay for stability in some form!

I really feel as if I have lived the equivalent of two years of activity in the the span of two and a half months.

I have learned more in this time period than any other in my life. I have redefined my definitions of "can" and "can't", I have realized who my true friends and "family" are (rather quickly!), I have seen just how far ideas and imagination can reach with hard work, and most importantly, I have met kindred souls in quantities for the first time ever and now I truly know what it is like to be free. I also have a new perspective on the shackles of our society, which are even tighter than previously imagined. Strangling, even. I have new tools and the mindset to loosen the nagging responsibilities of that society.

I have completely immersed myself in art, music, and love... complete and utter adoration for other people. The Traveling Flea Circus celebrates all of these things, and the spirit is to help the little guy or girl get recognized for their talents, completely bereft of corporate bullshit.

I believe everything happens for a reason, and simply, I believe. The road has been severely difficult, but it seems more circumstantial to me than anyone else looking in on my life would lead you to believe. Hollywood bullshit is not the biggest fish I've ever fried. I've been through more difficult times in my life, and the gruff hand of "this town" seems like bubblegum in comparison, really. I would never view myself as a failure. Especially not over this. Life happens.

I have a good idea of where I want my next path to lead. My eyes are wide open. Nothing really matters other than what is important to me and the people I love. See, the things I want out of life are ridiculously simple. What kind of astonishes me is how I could meet the most positive and negative individuals in the same breath. I try to always have the scales tip in the lovely positive direction, but there has been so much nastiness around me that it has proven to be almost impossible at times. Still, I always remain optimistic. My core is rock hard.

My most unique traits are what have made this journey what it is for me: I don't judge, I don't regret, and always try to see the silver lining of every dark cloud.

I am done explaining myself or my motivations. I'm done worrying what anyone else thinks of me. I am a well-weathered suitcase of scars, memories, happiness, and tears.

I am heading to a new road, and I may or may not leave breadcrumbs. Right now I'm focusing on wrapping things up, skipping town, and mapping out the next adventure.
l_c117fa7ff1b24c4281c4e5351a7eff79

riotgrrrlcrybaby

Oh, and John Ryan Gallagher is my Internet Boyfriend. I am in internet love with him. GENIUS BLOG! Read "advice to a graduate" especially. He covers several personal philosophies of mine! XOXO
riotgrrrlplanetterrorfinal

Come drink & groove with me while I DJ "Riotgrrrls & Boys Monday" @ Kung Pao Kitty! Please don't be fooled by the name - while I spin tons of women in rock who I have grown up admiring and are personally inspiring, you'd be surprised at how many Riot Boys there are and the year span I cover! Show up. Don't be an L7 square!

$3 Tiger Beer (sooo good)
$3 Saki Carafe
$5 Jager Shots
$1 Midnight Mystery Shots (maybe a Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-CHERRY BOMB!)

Dancing will ensue.

It will be kinda like this... kinda EXACTLY like this:

chachaflyerkingkingfront

chachakingking

Start your Cinco de Mayo pregame early with Cha-Cha's Traveling Flea Circus at King King Hollywood! The Traveling Flea Circus is an art gallery/concert/flea market explosion to support starving artists and have their talent showcased and recognized. Because, y'know... the economy.

Performers:

Shotgun Saints
http://www.myspace.com/shotgunsaints

Greed
http://www.myspace.com/greedpunkband

Kiaire
http://www.myspace.com/kiaireband

Art and merchandise from:
JUST ADDED! Tennesse Loveless!!!
http://www.myspace.com/slowmotionworldofloveless
AND Trevor Wayne!!!
http://www.trevorwayneshow.com
Shamrock Social Club's Danny Romo
http://www.shamrocktattoo.com
Rico Defile clothing
http://www.myspace.com/ricodefile
Julie from Skullflower
http://www.skullflower.nu
Beauty is Pain Boutique
http://www.myspace.com/beautyispainboutique
Teresita Trujillo - handmade hats
http://www.myspace.com/teresitatrujillo
Soty Mae Glutz from Electric Pen Tattoo
http://www.myspace.com/shitforbreakfast
Dik from Kustom Kulture Tattoo
http://www.myspace.com/kustomkulturetattoo
Cedar Suicide feather jewelry and hair accessories
http://cedarsuicide.etsy.com
Paintings by Aryn
http://www.myspace.com/cinderella2282
Flea market photography explosion by Flux Decor
http://www.fluxdecor.com
Limited edition sold out prints by Shag (Josh Agle)
http://www.shag-art.com
and many more!

$1 Raffles!

Tickets are $7 - payable to Theresa Angelina or at the door.
$5 with Flyer (printable online) or SECRET WORD: "Magic Feather" - screaming real loud is optional!